Emerson - Frienship
A very telling experiment would be to live out a day using Emerson's definition of friendship to define my relationships and to see the differences in the two philosophies. I attempted to do this yesterday. I tried to put into effect most of Emerson's general important principles when talking to friends and family. Some of the things I did were to try to allow my friends and family to be my "undermost garments", try to emphasize strong relationships, try to keep the independence of my decision-making, exhibit trust and magnanimity, and I tried to only be around my better friends. All of these are actions that Emerson would have recommended to me be based on his philosophy in this essay on friendship.
In my day following Emersonian philosophy with regard to friendship, I learned many interesting facts about my relationships with my friends. First, I found that in general, when I was around my best friends, Emerson's principles for the most part were followed. Around them, I always have fun and enjoy myself in addition to feeling I could tell them anything. Also, I was already forgiving to them if they did anything which just proves even more the strong relationships we had. Also, my best friends exhibited these characteristics to me as well. It was interesting to see how they exhibited these distinct characteristics without knowing it. I guess these friends could be considered my Emersonian friends
One thing I wish I did more of is be around friends I was no so close to. I believe I could have seen the difference between Emerson's ideal relationship and the realistic relationship. I believe Emerson would have characterized these people as "glass threads" or "frost-work" and because of the weaker relationships I have with them. I presume that the conversations following Emerson philosophy would have been more awkward because I would be telling them things that they would not expect to hear. Also, I would also be around them more often than usual. It would just be a different type of relationship than we have. All this would have made them suspicious of some change and I believe would have showed the difference between the two different types of relationships. With my best friends, there was no difference between Emersonian philosophy and reality, but with more casual friends, there was.
One thing that needs to be taken into consideration for this experiment is the role of the friend. In Emersonian thought, it is not just the individual who has to exhibit the positive characteristics but the friend who has to show them as well. For example, it is hard to have someone be my "undergarments" if they do not want to be or in reality they are my "outer garments." The friend's attitude plays a major role in the results achieved. But I also think this is something telling. This also shows the quality of the friend. If the friend has a positive attitude and fits the Emersonian characteristics without changing or awkwardness, then he/she is a better friend. On the other hand, if the friend is negative and awkward around you when you emphasize Emersonian characteristics, then probably he/she is not a great friend.
In conclusion, there were a lot of interesting results from this experiment. This is an interesting topic to examine even more closely because it has to do a lot with human nature and psychology.
3 comments:
Hey George! I read your post about your friendship experiment, and I really agreed with everything you had to say. It's so true that it is a million times easier for me to be an Emersonian friend when I am around my closest friends. I think that that is the main reason why these people are my closest friends: because they accept me for who I am and they allow me to shed my "outergarments" or mask of fake personality. I am able to just let go and completely be myself around my best friends, because I don't have to think about maintaining a certain image or anything. I think that it's almost impossible to bring Emersonian characteristics to every friendship, because others who don't know you well inevitably judge you. Now that I think about it, I had similar experiences within my friendship experiment: it was easier to be Emersonian around my closest friends. Hmmm...I wonder if Emerson wrote his essay with only close friends in mind, or if he really thought that we should act in that way with everyone? something to ponder...haha
George- I had similar results with my experiment. I too found that with my closest friends, being an Emersonian friend was easier. They already know who I am and have accepted me for it so it's easier to express how I feel or what I think without them judging me for it. And Marissa I agree with you when you said that you can't bring Emersonian characteristics to every friendship. I have to bring up the part in his essay when Emerson says that you should be a nettle in your friend's side... a bit more difficult when the person is not a close friend. Your best friends wouldn't take constructive criticism the wrong way. They would understand/ believe that you are truly trying to help them. I think your friendships with people have to grow before you can be Emersonian friends.
GEORGIE
Okay all I have to say is that I completely 100% agree when you said with your best friends you're the Emersonian friend.. because that's how I opened up my post on this exact topic. Great minds think alike?! Also I never really thought about it until I did the experiment.. But it was so obviously true I was kind of comforted, as I said in my post, that at least I can always fulfill Emerson's expectations with one person!
LOVE NAY
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